About Lauren Stewart

Who is Lauren Stewart?

This is not me. I wish it was—she’s beautiful. Sexy. Probably has a fantastic sex life. But, alas, I look nothing like her.

I’m WAY hotter. I also tend to wear the correct size clothing. And the only sex tape of me leaked onto the internet is not one that anyone on YouTube would want to see. Of course, when I leaked it, I’d hoped it would get at least a few hits.

This isn’t me either. I don’t have that many friends. Unless I counted everyone I’ve ever met, had a drink with, or slept with, of course. But who remembers all those names?

Nope, still not me. I’m not an athlete anywhere other than in my head.

Sure, I’m “LinkedIn,” but I have no idea what that means.

I’m not related to Rod or Martha Stewart. I’m sure they are wonderful people to be related to, and might even like me more than my own family does, but I’ll never know for sure. Because neither of them will return my calls. And Rod still refuses to take the paternity test, the bastard.

Kristen Stewart is young, powerful, and great looking. We could be sisters! Or clones! You know, if I looked anything like her. Actually, we have a lot in common: dark hair, hazel eyes, and a similar taste in men. But I can’t pull of bad-ass as well as she does. Her attitude has made her more popular, but when I’m angsty, people tend to avoid me.

So, who am I? I am a single mother of two incredible kids who knows the world well enough to put half of my income into therapy accounts for them.

I was a modern dancer, a choreographer, a secretary, a massage therapist, an English teacher, and, for two horrendously guilt-laden days, a carnie. Yeah, that’s right—a carnie. And I let the little kids play until they won a prize, without their parents having to fork-over their entire life savings. Seriously, don’t play those games—you won’t win.

I was a woman who never realized that all of those “to do” lists were attempts at trying something she really wanted “to do”—write. It’s not the form one does it in, just the doing that is important.

And now I am a writer. A tremendously happy, fulfilled writer of urban fantasy, mystery, paranormal romance, and a bunch of other things, all with a comedic element because life is too insane not to poke fun at.